I am going to have a good summer.
This is one of my goals. Back in the day when I did not work over the summer, I had summer goals. One year I learned to ride a unicycle. One year I memorized a bunch of Robert Frost poems. One year I learned to write with my left hand. This is the first summer since sophomore year of high school that I am not working at camp and/or romping about in the wilderness. I thought I was going to have a job with my college, planning a bad-ass outdoor orientation for the incoming first years. However, due to massive budget cuts, my school no longer has outdoor orientation, and I no longer have a job. It was way too late by that time to get a job, though I did apply to a few. This means that I am taking the summer off.
My outlook is good though. I’m hoping to be reading for pleasure a lot, something I don’t have the time to do at school. I hope to be biking a lot, and being outside. And tea drinking. There’s this neat little place downtown called Infinitea. I really like it, and it’s a good place to chill out and read books. Part of me having a good time this summer is going out and doing things. And I’m going to document those awesome things in this blog. I figure if you have to write about what you did, then you’re more likely to go out and do things worth writing about.
I did not have a good morning, to tell the truth. I found out that my parents are buying a new car. This is soon after my mom told me that we did not have enough money for my FTM chest reconstruction surgery, something that means a lot to me and is important to my mental health. I felt like I was worth less to my parents than a fancy new car, or all the other brand new things they are buying. I also have clinical depression, so I think I was probably just feeling down. My mom made me garden with her though, no matter how I was feeling. I think she was feeling kind of helpless with the situation, because she couldn’t make me any happier. She said, “I don’t care whether you’re unhappy or not,” which hurt. Didn’t make me feel any better, and made me feel even more worthless. But being outside was nice. And playing in the dirt was nice. And listening to my book was nice. So, my day got better.
I’m listening to Hellhole, by Brian Herbert and Kevin J Anderson. It’s science fiction and is getting pretty good. I’m about halfway through.
When my mom went for a run, I got myself a snack of popcorn, so she wouldn’t know about it, and watched The Office. I’m on Season 5 now. It was nice to get a break and just get some time to myself, though I had been doing that all day… When my dad came home from work, he and I played bananagrams. My mom finished her run during our game, and tried to play as well. It didn’t work out as badly as I thought it would. She just took 21 tiles and started playing, even though she wasn’t playing from the beginning.
Mom made vegetable stir-fry for dinner. I helped, a little. I set the table. We watched Glengarry Glen Ross, which we had been watching last night. It’s a movie we have seen many times before, but it’s one of my dad’s favorites, so it’s okay. We finished it over dessert, which, to my disappointment, was popcorn. Apparently chocolate is too unhealthy for this family. Good thing a friend from school had given me a bunch of chocolate before I left, so I had that in my room by myself.
And that brings us up to now. I am feeling much more confident, and much more settled in. I think I’m gonna get some stuff done tomorrow. Including making a to-do list.