When I imagine a perfect experience, I imagine something like Chris McCandless must have imagined when he set out on the road. I imagine very few belongings. Very few wants. Independent, but for temporary connections with people and nature. This is why I camp, and why I feel most at home on the trail. It is a kind of nakedness.
I have been thinking of testosterone and surgery as something extra. Another something to have, to bring along. Relying on something outside myself. But really, it is a way to feel at home naked, both literally and figuratively.