Road Construction

Here’s an idea.

I was having an extremely hard time keeping healthy and sane and functional when I was on Lamictal, a medication for bipolar.  When I finally convinced a psychiatrist to take me off Lamictal, and put me on something for depression, I immediately improved.  It wasn’t that Zoloft made me happier, or made me more motivated.  It just made it easier for me to get there myself.  It was road construction.  When you make the road smoother, you can drive further and faster.  But the construction guys aren’t driving your car for you.

This reminded me how testosterone doesn’t make you bulk up.  But it does make it easier for you to build muscle that stays around.  You still have to work out and put in the effort.  Testosterone is just smoothing down the road.

I put these two ideas together.  Transition isn’t going to make me happier, or make me feel better about my body, or any of that.  But it will certainly make it easier.  Sure you can leave a road torn up and weather-damaged.  Or maybe it’s just a regular dirt road.  But I want to be driving on a highway.

The problem with this metaphor is that it implies a progress model: the existence of behind and forward.  Maybe there are many roads, all in a city.  Road construction doesn’t make it easier to get from Point A to Point B.  It makes it easier to travel and explore and know.  Something I value highly.

Edit: Roads don’t help you go somewhere.  They help you connect.

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