I just had an anxiety attack on the treadmill. I just finished my 1 mile warmup and had increased my speed. It was really fast, and I started to cramp up just a little bit. My mom came at looked at the speed on the treadmill. I thought I had it set on 9:09 (my target speed was 9:10, and that’s the closest), but it was on decimals, not minutes and seconds. So I was running 9.09 min/mi, which means 9:05. Mom was changing the speed all over the place which was hard to keep up with, I was trying to talk, I was running really fast, and my movie was on in my headphones. It was just way too much and I got off the treadmill. I didn’t realized that anything was wrong until I couldn’t breathe right. It was really scary. I couldn’t slow down my breathing. I was feeling frustration, because I was trying to tell my mom things, and I couldn’t speak. I felt abandonment, because I thought my mom had walked away and left me like that, when I really needed her help. I felt inadequate, because I couldn’t slow my breath down, even when my mom was coaching me through it.
I’m going to do my tempo run at a bit slower pace. Mom says that it’s better to be able to do it again than do it really fast and hurt yourself.
It just wasn’t worth it. I didn’t feel good at all, even though I was running at a slower pace. I think partly it was that I was running downstairs. We have another workout room that’s upstairs with two really big windows looking out onto the woods and creek. I didn’t run there because my dad is going to come home at some point and work out on the eliptical, and then we would have to watch the same thing. But I do think that I need more than one day off a week. And maybe it’s a little early in my training to do a tempo run. Since Saturday is my long run, and it doesn’t make sense to do a tempo run and long run back to back, I’m just going to do an easy run today. It’s not worth it to try to do a hard run after an anxiety attack. If it’s not working it’s not working. But, I did get a job today! I’m a lifeguard at a waterpark about ten minutes away. With that, I get a free membership to an awesome gym, so I can do weights and swimming too. I think it’s okay that I’m taking the day off, and I did run a mile at least. And Mom’s really supportive and made me feel okay about it.