Trauma warning: murder.
So, living with my dad is like taking a life-long movies class. It’s kind of awesome. But sometimes we watch movies that I don’t really like. Most of the time we do though. When I’m in class, like in college, and we’re watching a movie that’s really disturbing, I can’t just say “I don’t like it” and leave. I mean, I could, but it seems like chickening out or something. Or, because it’s for class, I should be watching it. I’ve had to learn over and over again that it’s okay to walk out of class if the movie is triggering. But I still have that same attitude, unless it’s made explicitly clear that it’s okay to walk out.
I say this because I have that same attitude when watching a movie with my dad. He wants us to watch it for a reason. And I hate disagreeing with my dad. It’s always a very weird conversation. We watched American Psycho tonight. He actually hadn’t intended for us to watch it, we were going to watch The Color of Money, the sequel to The Hustler, but it had a scratch and wouldn’t play. It seemed to me like a really bad movie about a psychopath who kills people. He said it was supposed to be about “80’s excess.” It’s a classic, apparently. But it was just really gross. He was mean and sexist, and so was everyone else in the movie. He killed a homeless man. I guess awful stuff happens like that all the time, and the movie was supposed to be ironic or something, but I don’t want it shoved in my face. It was gross and made me feel icky. I don’t know how this is a classic. But I didn’t say any of that, of course. I wanted my dad to be happy, and I didn’t want to seem like I couldn’t watch a movie. And then we would have to switch it out and make it all complicated. Or he’d just want me to stick it out. And he kept fast-forwarding through all the sex scenes. Which were super short anyway, and his fast-forwarding just made me sick. Like a car starting and stopping. Yeah, I think I felt carsick watching it. I told my mom later while we were washing dishes, and she said I could always say when I don’t like a movie. I kinda wish I had just spoken up. But this isn’t the first time.